Doc, what the fuck are you trying to do here? You have three stars and four more NBA caliber players, and you go and trade two of those NBA guys to grab a rebounding guard and likely sixth man who is redundant while Jamal Crawford still exists. You gave Spencer Hawes a four year, $23 million contract less than a year ago, and used his abilities so well that you stuck him behind old, fat Big Baby in the rotation. And sure, Matt Barnes is an aging hothead of a role player, but he’s still goddamn capable of making a defensive rotation or hitting a corner three. The depth chart for small forwards now reads like this:

Jared Dudley

Matt Barnes

Reggie Bullock


I looked at depth charts from CBSSports, RealGM, Rotoworld, and ESPN, and all four of them have different starters listed. I’m legitimately surprised that none of them just deleted the whole position and threw their keyboards through the window in frustration. Respectively, they listed Jamal Crawford, Blake Griffin, Hedo, and Lance! Holy shit! Maybe your grand plan is actually to play Lance there, in which case, God forbid any of your opponents have wing players over 6’ 5”, you definitely won’t have to worry about that with literally every other goddamn team in the league. Even the weird ass Celtics, your old team who took to playing everyone a position up cause none of them could shoot anyway, have multiple swingmen taller than Lance on the depth chart. He’s shorter than Evan Turner! Don’t forget you also managed to fuck up the bench too. Ekpe Udoh is currently the only backup big who can run from one end of the court to the other without a cigarette in one hand and whiskey in the other, and he’s a free agent in a week. You came in here pissing and moaning about your garbage truck of a roster as soon as you were hired, but that roster looks like the Ritz compared to the Holiday Inn you have right now, and you’re the motherfucking GM! At least you don’t have to devote any of your time to that pesky draft, as you’re the only team without a pick tomorrow, so you can wisely consider which old dude to gift a midlevel exception to. Please, pretty please, just tell the world the one thing we want to know. What in the name of Billy King are you trying to do here?


Good Lance (2013-14) is the one with Indiana colors on bottom, Bad Lance (2014-2015) is above. Apologies for neglecting Spencer Hawes, who is also a legitimate basketball player.

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